This morning I sat down to a book that I picked up on a bargain rack at Barnes and Nobles years ago titled, “The Dark History of the Occult”. The book caught my attention, as things often do that are dark, evil or ominous looking. That in itself probably says something about me, but not what you think. Or does it?
It is true, I’m drawn to dark things. I like dark stories. I like dark images. I like dark movies. I like dark humor. However, I don’t personally believe my attraction to darkness is because I’m “evil”. Not “evil” in the way Christians might portray it. No. for me, I have simply prided myself on understanding things that others blindly dismiss.
For example, in my YouTube career (The Devils Advocates), I focus on countering blind mainstream media reporting. The media wants to tell us that something is as plain as the nose on our face and I feel immediately challenged to ask, “what if that’s not true”. The more adamant someone is that here is ONLY ONE ANSWER, the more inspired I am to find the counter position. Therefore, Christians have largely driven me to look into the occult because they insist GOD is the only answer. It is merely their blind allegiance to a belief that makes me question them, “what if you got it wrong”?
A large portion of my Christian upbringing was challenging the church every step of the way. When I was told something that I felt was blindly ignorant I would look for the counter and try and show the counter position. This sort of behavior led my mother, at one time, to believe that I was a satanist. That my constant desire to challenge the church meant that I hated God and loved evil. The more she said it, the more I dug in to show her that her beliefs are ignorant. That didn’t end well.
So where am I going with all this? Hell, I don’t know. It’s a rambling thought to start the day and not one that is well put together. All I can say is that I am STILL convinced that my attraction to darkness has a lot less to do with my being a “bad” person and a lot more to do with my desire to challenge blind allegiance.
The world is not a black and white place, sorry to say. There is not, for me, an absolute right way and a wrong way. For my entire Christian upbringing that was not the case. God was the ONLY way and whenever my actions didn’t align with someone else’s ideals, I was branded “evil” or “rebellious”. And, if I became rebellious, it was because THAT attitude made me want to show them how arrogant they had become.
Ok, rant over…I’m going in circles now.